I Hate It Whenever

... I gain more weight than intended.

... somebody tries to imitate me for the Nth time.

... a father forgets his daughter and prefers a night out with friends and goes home drunk.

... there's an idiot in front of our car causing a traffic jam.

... people come late.

... an event starts late.

... someone who lied but proven guilty still insists he's innocent.

... people make up excuses.

... people promise me something, A VERY SIMPLE THING, but then forgets all about it like it's no big deal.

Early Christmas

Do you know what never goes out of style?

SHOPPING!!!

After attending the Holy Mass at 11am, my mom took me, my sisters, and my husband to lunch and shopping today (I never thought she had all that dinero, LOL) and we had a BLAST! And the best part about it is that Jai got these really awesome Chuck Taylors.

It took him a while before he made up his mind about which ones to get. Who could blame him? We were swimming in an ocean of shoes! Jai has never been really a shopping spree person, but this time I could sense that he was as excited as I was. There were just sooo many to choose from. But after a gruesome deliberation he narrowed it down to 3 pairs and then finally landed on these. I believe he made the perfect choice! The model also came with free black laces so we asked the salesman to do a trick combining the blacks & whites. Now Jai's new kicks look so much more extra cool.

Of course I never left the mall empty handed myself. I got a blue dress and shiny black sandals to wear on Christmas day, and a pair of sneakers for casual everyday use. But I have to say, the favorite thing I bought was a pink Precious Moments baby bag. Now I can really prepare for stuff to take to the hospital!

So thanks for the shopping date, Mommy & Daddy! It's like nothing has changed through the years. When I was younger, my younger sisters and I always had brand new clothes to wear on Christmas day and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that my parents still think of me as one of their babies even though I'm married and pregnant now. And what's more touching is that they treat my husband as a son they never had and wish they had.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas--inside and out!

The Pregnancy Diaries 5

Thirty weeks pregnant and growing impatient. You've probably heard that time flies when you're having fun, right? Well maybe that's why it feels like I've been pregnant forever. The third trimester isn't so fun anymore.

But is it normal to feel this way? All sources say YES and I'm relieved to know that I'm not crazy. Staying home still leaves me exhausted at the end of the day and what's worse is that even bedtime won't give me a break. It's hard finding a comfortable sleeping position when your entire body is in pain. My daughter also likes to kick my bladder hard in the middle of the night which is just great because I'd have to get up to pee and try to fall back to sleep again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still as excited as ever but now the mixed emotions about the upcoming birth of my baby girl are stirring at a faster pace. I'm STILL dreading labor pains which I'm sure wouldn't even compare to the pains I'm having right now. Reading about it and talking about my fears with my support group just can't seem to help. There's always an option of getting a painless vaginal delivery with the help of an epidural anesthesia (I'm hoping for a normal spontaneous delivery) but even that poses risks for me and the baby. I might not know when to push because knowing when the contractions are happening may be difficult to tell. I won't be feeling any pain and according to a friend in some cases it all comes down to a cesarian section.. which is even worse than getting a destroyed stitched up vajayjay.

On a lighter note, last month we went shopping for some of the baby's first needs. My husband and I were very excited and we had fun choosing designs of all sorts of baby stuff. We decided on sticking to a single brand just so everything is theme coordinated. On the same day we also bought a bigger bed and a couple of new pillows to accommodate our soon to be expanding family.

Which reminds me.. this is gonna be the first Christmas that I won't be spending with my parents and sisters. It's my first Christmas as a married woman and an expectant mother at that. I'll be spending the Holidays with my husband and in-laws because (1) my mom and sisters will be flying to Vietnam to spend Christmas with my dad and (2) it's one of those things you do when you're already married. Having two families means sharing occasions fairly. I'll surely miss my family on Christmas, but I'm looking forward to spending New Year's eve with them. My dad's coming home with my mom and sisters after Christmas so on New Year's eve all of us are gonna be together and we're gonna be a complete family again. It's just too bad my dad will be leaving the country before my baby arrives though.

Going back to my pregnancy issues, most of the time my mind is elsewhere. Maybe I'm just too stressed out, I don't know. I've never had this much difficulty in grasping ideas and putting them into writing. The hormones are driving me out of my mind and shoving the worries down my throat. Right now I can't even make a decent exit. So now.. err.. here's my exit.

True Love Doesn't Age

I really admire my grandparents' marriage. They've been married for 50+ years and they're still going strong. Lolo was admitted (again) in the hospital and today my husband and I paid a visit to see him.

I was so touched to see how my grandparents were with each other; my lola covering him with a blanket whenever it hung loose, caressing his back, feeding him food and giving him water, and even the simplest reassuring touch of hand was enough proof that LOVE is real and true love lasts FOREVER. <3

I am optimistic that the unbreakable bond that I have with my husband will just be as good as that.

Seeing Red

Hi. Well as of now I feel like shit and I'm in a very foul mood. I have 0% appetite and I don't like to lie down, sit down, or stand up. The heat of the afternoon sun is getting on my nerves but I hate it even more when it rains because apparently, from last night's experience, rainfall ruins a perfectly good pedicure. My uterus is contracting every once in a while not to mention the baby tossing and turning inside while it happens. Which is just great. Really great.

I hope you understand that whenever I look like shit, I feel like shit, and my whole world turns into crappy shitty shit.

Cozy Coffee

What a relief! According to Babycenter preggos can still enjoy a cup of caffeinated bliss as long as they, I mean we don't overdo it. I've always loved coffee. I used to be employed in a call center and during graveyard shifts (which happens almost all the time) I always brought a sachet of instant coffee and my Starbucks tumbler with me. The water dispenser and the Imeem bossa nova tracks helped make my work hours feel like leisure time.

At work, sometime in early 2009. Nung call girl pa ko. Lol.

Trivia: The tumbler was a present from Jai.

The best thing about it was the personalized cover he designed

using different photos of me. :)

My husband isn't a fan of drinking coffee and his body doesn't seem to like it either. A trip to Starbucks means a trip to the bathroom right after. I don't think I can recall one time that his bowels didn't react so violently to a Starbucks drink. But I'm proud of him. He's not ashamed to admit it. Hehe.

We Batangueños are known as the Kapeng Barako province, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that we like to pour coffee on our rice especially during breakfast. Before I got married my mom always prepared a mug of sweet coffee at the breakfast table. There's always one mug especially made for pouring on rice. I especially loved rice and coffee with fried food: fish, chicken, hotdog, meat loaf, longganisa, etc. It was a thing that my family has imprinted on my DNA--something I grew up with and I don't think I can ever grow out of.

For breakfast this morning I had fried rice, omelette du fromage, a tablet of ObiMin, and a glass of water (using my beloved pink Coca-Cola glass, lol) and a cup of instant 3 in 1 coffee at the side. There's just something about coffee that makes your morning extra nice.

But please, no kopi luwak for me!

A Bedtime Story

I was sitting on the bed with my laptop. He was lying in bed with his PSP. I asked Jai a question. He responded with a sneeze that almost shook the whole house. We ended up laughing so hard that I cried--partly because I thought he was mad at me for some silly reason. Anyway, the question was answered by Google and it turned out that he wasn't mad, his nose just needed to blow. This marriage is so much fun! Lol

It's times like this which makes me go, "Awww I love yooouuuu!"

Pain, Pain, Go Away

You may have read from one of my previous posts that I'm not exactly a big fan of pain. Unfortunately, pain is something that is no doubt hand in hand with pregnancy. I applaud myself for making it sound so gentle.

The leg cramp is brand new in my list of pregnancy pains. I've never had any of them before I got pregnant. Well since last week I've had two already, and now everytime I go to bed I have this fear of waking up in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain all throughout my leg. The last time this happened I couldn't walk right for a day. Waking up with a leg cramp is literally like waking up to a nightmare.

Vertigo, dizziness, migraines--you could say I've hit the jackpot on the neuro department! Earlier this week I was in headache hell for three days but thank goodness it didn't turn out to be anything too serious. I knew I should have gone to the doctor but because every move made me feel like everything was spinning, I chose to stay home and stay in bed to rest my hurting little head.

If you could only see me walking around you would probably never guess that I've been in some beauty pageants. I walk like a penguin now. No, I believe the right term is waddle. Carrying a growing baby in my huge belly leaves poise no room in the third trimester of pregnancy. Waddling like a fat bird doesn't really belong in the pain category but you know what I mean.

So yeah, for months it has been established that I'm pregnant and not crippled nor immobile. As a normal person, a loving wife, and a productive citizen of the this hopeless country, just like you I have activities of daily living or what you call ADLs. You know: chores, grooming, shopping, socializing, the whole deal of everyday life. The only difference is that in my present condition, ADLs bring fatigue up to a higher level than that of a non-pregnant person which leaves me exaggeratedly exhausted at the end of the day. The problem my friends is that when I need to sleep, I can't. I am on the borderline of the 2nd and 3rd trimesters and sleeping is becoming only a privilege. My baby is my boss. I can't do anything about her strong painful movements at bedtime and the pressure she has put on my nerves from sitting on them for the whole day starting from my lower back and from the waist down don't help lull me to sleep either.

If I were to give awards to my annoying painful episodes, I would give the back aches a 10-foot golden trophy and a gold medal to go with it. I have a feeling it will never leave me alone up until I pop this wonder baby out of me.

As unfortunate as all that may sound up there, I'm actually a very lucky woman to share all these weird, wild, and wonderful experiences with the one and only man who has never left my side all throughout this pregnancy. I'm very thankful that he's with me all the way, supporting me and making things all better. Your patience is amazing. I love you, Jai. The pain is nothing as long as you're there for me. You save me.

I guess there's nothing left for you to say other than: CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Touch Me Not

My baby has a life of its own and needless to say at this point she's still inside me. Well I think it's about time I made something clear. Sometimes it seems impolite for just anyone touch my belly if I don't like to be touched. It's still me and my sensitive shallow innie belly button and it drives me crazy to be rubbed just by anyone. This has happened a lot of times already since I started "to show". The first few times were okay and I actually loved it every time people noticed how pregnant I looked. But now that my skin feels like it's stretched to the limits, it's very sensitive to touch and it's annoying whenever an unwelcome hand rubs my midsection without my consent. I understand that people think a humongous pregnant stomach is cute but let me tell you--it's doesn't feel too cute to that poor pregnant person.

Sometimes though, it is forgivable. I don't know. Pregnant women are just cranky sometimes. :P

THE VERDICT

I'm so excited!

Thank God (if) It's Thursday

I want it to be Thursday. This week I'm officially 24 weeks pregnant and Jai and I still have no idea if I'm carrying a boy or girl. On Thursday we intend to find out. We wanna find out. BADLY.

But I have to admit that I'm quite frustrated with these prenatal check ups. I've been going to my OB-GYN once a month for the past 5 months but every time we do an ultrasound we just go home clueless and disappointed. We're happy that the baby seems to be in good shape but knowing if it's a HE or SHE is part of the fun of expecting and it just seems that we're short of luck on that department.

The SM 3-Day Sale ended yesterday. I wanted to brave the traffic jam and the crowd to look around for baby things but I still chose not to go. What's the point? I'm not even sure what to fill the cart with. Pink or blue? Flowers or plaids? I just wasn't up to it.

I'm very frustrated.

The last time we tried to figure out what the baby was, the umbilical cord was between his/her legs so it was TOTALLY impossible to tell what was hiding under there. The ultrasound technician tried different angles to get a good shot but it was useless, not to mention getting more and more painful on my part. No matter how hard the pressure she exerts on my tummy, we never got a chance to get a clear view of baby's package.

On the way home I was feeling a bit sad. At that point I envied all the other mommies in the world who talk to their babies by their name of choice. My husband admitted he was disappointed too, and promised that he wouldn't expect anything the next time I have my checkup.

So on Thursday I'm not expecting anything either. I want to find out, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. If heaven forbids that we know I'll be more than happy. Sure, to learn that I'm carrying a healthy baby is more important than anything else, but like I said, finding out the sex is part of the excitement pregnancy brings to expecting parents. Oh there it goes again. The key word. EXPECTING.

How much longer should we expect?

Antepartum Agenda

Things I want to do/achieve before I give birth in February 2010:

1. Buy a one-piece maternity swimsuit and go swimming. Beach or pool--it doesn't matter.

2. Spend a few nights in a hotel out of town in December with my husband. My mom promised us this trip. It was supposed to be my birthday present.

3. Confirm my baby's sex.

4. Buy baby's stuff. Formula, crib, clothes, bottles, toys, you name it... Maybe I'll throw in a breast pump too.

5. Complete the Our Lady of Perpetual Help novena.

6. E-mail my dad a 4D photo of the baby.

7. Reach the highest possible level at Café World.

8. Survive the Braxton Hicks contractions.

9. Determine where to give birth.

10. Pack stuff to take to the hospital.

11. Learn how to cook a couple of new recipes.

12. Find a new place to work as a nurse.

... I'm leaving this list hanging for future edits.

2rning 22

At around 3 in the morning my husband asked me how it feels like to turn 22. I responded with a shrug and a simple "Wala lang."

I don't feel a year older. I feel a LOT heavier though (I have the baby to thank for that). Sure, sometimes I notice new fine lines on my face but I don't think I look much different than I was 2 or 3 years ago.

What I do think has changed is everything else but me. I feel like my life has turned 360 and I'm just standing in the center of it, unmoved. In the aspect of maturity however, I'm not even sure if I've changed for the better. I guess I'll just have to leave that question to the rest of the world.

So how did the big day go?

I was wide awake in the darkness of a school gym when the clock 12 struck twelve and signaled the beginning of October 8th. Myself, my husband, and the rest of my Maranan family attended an occasion as the ever so loyal supporters of my cousin who competed in a beauty pageant last night. Much to our happiness, my cousin won the beauty title and I must say it made the literal start of my birthday extra special.

Pictures were taken, congratulations and thanks were exchanged, and before the janitors could close up shop, we retreated homeward. The embarrassing power-interrupted beauty contest was finally over and done.

Jai and I decided to spend the night at my family's house. It's what I've always wanted--to spend my birthday with the ones who are dearly close to my heart, my family. This afternoon my mom and I had a pedicure, then she treated us to a late lunch at the mall, we shopped for some groceries and then dropped by my grandparents' house before going separate ways home. And you know what, all this may sound so simple but I mean it when I say that I've just had a very happy birthday.

Well there is one thing. I guess it could only be more special if my dad was here with us. He's overseas and all he could do was make a call this morning, but I, of course, understand more than anyone else in the world. He's a very loving and responsible father, and aside from being thankful that I've just had a happy birthday, I'm relieved to know that he's just fine. That's worth more than any material birthday gift.

The day is about to end and here I am, sitting in front of the laptop, enjoying instant noodles and donuts with my husband, remembering what happened today and all the days before this. It's days like this that makes one really appreciate life and how far one has come.

And so far, I think I haven't done so bad. :)

Tiny Bits and Pieces

I've been playing Cafe World for hours and I'm bored out of my mind. Jai and I are supposed to be heading somewhere but we're not getting the call we've been waiting for. So while we all wait for the world to turn a little faster, here's few bite sized chunks of my life you can sink your teeth into:

1. Cafe World at Facebook is addicting but it's hard moving up the game.

2. I hate how my hair looks. This is just one of the downsides of being pregnant--no trips to the hair salon 'til I pop this baby out but even then I still have to wait a couple of months so the baby won't smell the stench of chemicals that linger for days. So much for not being losyang.

3. I have an insatiable craving for turon. I could eat it all day.

4. I'm anxious about the Braxton Hicks contractions. They're false labor contractions and I'm supposed to start feeling them any time soon.

5. I'm turning 22 on Thursday. I intend to do nothing about it. There's nothing planned except a sleep over at my family's house tomorrow night. There's not even a dinner date or anything like that. I'm just thankful for a lot of things, and being happy and healthy is all that matters to me.

Tweeting Hippo

Today I feel like a clumsy elephant. Enormous and all over the place.

That was my last tweet before I started typing this blog entry. After a cool refreshing bath this morning I put on a very loose fitting shirt, gray leggings and white flip flops coz didn't really feel like dressing up today.

By noon I was feeling like a large mammal escaped from the zoo. Say, a hippo.

When Jai and I got home I quickly changed into a long body hugging shirt, my maternity jean shorts and white gladiator sandals. Looking at myself I released a sigh of relief and felt much better. I felt like my old self again, style conscious and kikay.

I'm not picky when it comes to my clothes. I don't even like buying signature/branded ones. I appreciate those kind of gifts but buying them myself? No thanks. I buy and wear anything that suits me right, whatever the price.

My relatives say I shouldn't be wearing body fit tops but in my opinion it's the perfect way to express how proud I am of my baby bump and my new womanly curves! Relatives and friends have been giving me hand-me-down maternity clothing and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture and I like wearing them, but sometimes I just wanna embrace my pregnant figure and just let my round belly show.

Now that's more like it!

20-21 weeks AOG, 09.30.09

I have my lazy days when I don't wanna wear any make-up and just put on anything I could grab from my closet, but once I see the melasma stricken face with a hippo's body in the mirror I make a U-turn and run back to the closet. The last thing I want to overhear is, "Ano ba yan, nabuntis lang, nalosyang na." I think pregnant women should always look their best no matter what occasion. We should be looking like we're carrying a human being in our womb ladies, not a blood sucking parasite!

I'm just not sure if all this could be applicable to the extremely difficult last weeks of the third trimester. Lol

Halfway There

I'm currently 20-21 weeks preggers and things are slowing down a bit. The growth of the baby is at a slower but sure-as-ever pace and my tummy isn't dramatically changing much in size lately. So what's new? The dreaded stretch marks have arrived and so has the melasma. Those two aren't really a pleasant tandem but nature has its special way of mocking pregnant women so they come around the same time. Most pregnant women love having this rather unpleasant change in complexion as they think it's the "pregnancy badge". However, I think after 9 months of carrying this wonderchild a destroyed hooha is enough of a badge to signify motherhood, thank you!

Surprise!

Happy birthday to my one and only hottie hubby Jai!

September 26, 2009 marks my Love's 29th birthday. We didn't get to celebrate with a bang last year so this year I promised myself that it's gonna be different. I came up with an idea that I've NEVER EVER done for anyone I know...

A surprise birthday party!

I thought about this two weeks before his actual birthday, but because Jai and I and his family were scheduled to go somewhere important on the 26th, I was forced to move the surprise to the 27th. I was supposed to let his family in on the plan but surely we can't celebrate at home so the only way it could work was asking my mom and the rest of my family for help. To cut the story short, we held this surprise party at my maternal grandparents' house. The moment we stepped inside my whole Maranan family sang him a birthday song and by the look on Jai's face anyone can tell he was completely clueless about the whole thing. Surprise surprise! Mission accomplished.

By the way, A BIG THANKS to my mom and the rest of my family. I really love each and every one of you! Thank you!

I could only come up with a simple celebration--cake, food, and drinks. But I really hope I made him happy today... and I hope he feels how much I love him. ♥

29 on 26

It's been a very bad day and my face is swollen like shit, but nonetheless I'm wishing my loving husband Jai a very happy 29th birthday tomorrow. Baby and I love you very much no matter what. And I'm still promising you a wonderful weekend.

Reality Check

I wanna come back to work. You know, the real thing. I'm just now sure when, where, and HOW. I don't wanna be stuck at home all the time but because I'm very preggers it's an absolute no-no. I want to be more productive and try something else while my husband and I have this initial business at the side. But the back pains are getting worse and my sleeping patterns are whack. I don't think my pregnant body can handle real work outside the house just yet. We're thankful we have this ongoing home based business that we keep running with the help of his family and we're trying to make it prosper to save up for our future. All things start small and we're in no hurry. That's just the way money comes and goes, right? But reality bites--having a baby changes everything. Food and milk, clothing and diapers, medicine and vitamins, cribs and strollers and toys, routine check-ups and immunizations--all of this will follow through once the baby arrives and they won't stop. The needs will only multiply and as the child grows they will level up like an RPG character and then eats itself.

Yesterday I had my 4th prenatal checkup and to our disappointment, we're still clueless of the baby's sex. The ultrasound technician had a hunch but we're not convinced. The baby's umbilical cord was covering most of its much anticipated package so there's no confirmation in that. BUT, we are very happy that the baby seems to be in good shape and the vitals are normal. It's amazing to see another heart inside my body--a little heart beating twice as fast as mine. Baby has grown a LOT since the last time we saw him/her. The limbs are longer and the digits are more defined and it's just so adorable to watch this budding life crammed in my tummy squirming inside. Jai was taping the whole thing and it was funny to watch the video after the checkup. Turns out that at some very important parts he was too busy watching his kid that he forgot to aim the camera at the baby and not the machine. Lol

The Pregnancy Diaries 4

I think about the pain and suffering of going through labor and delivery almost every second of every day. I know the baby's not due until the last week of February next year and that worrying is useless, distressful, never good for any pregnant woman (or anybody), but I can't help myself from being such a worry wart. All this information about the up and coming inevitable birth of my child is bothering me more and more.

I see my OBGYN once a month so it's kinda hard to deal with all the changes and the emotions that I'm going through. As a first time preggo it's also my first time to experience everything. Being a registered nurse just seems to be useless when it's myself who's pregnant and needy.

Ever since I saw those two red lines on the pregnancy test which screamed out the BIG FAT POSITIVE I've always paid extra attention to my body and I try to find out the answers to all my questions as efficiently as I could. Thankfully I got a lot of resources. I have a cousin who's very close to me (a mom of one and carrying baby #2) and she's sort of become my preggy mommy dictionary. I could also ask my mom and my mom-in-law all sorts of questions but come on--they haven't been pregnant for more than 10 years. I've also signed up at an online mommy forum and it's been a habit to bookmark countless websites for pregnancy and motherhood just to get as much information as I can to keep me from going nuts. But as they say, too much is never a good thing, and that's exactly what's happening here. INFORMATION OVERLOAD. It's all very confusing. Not everything I learn is precisely what's going on with my own body. My mom always tells me I should talk to my doctor about all my concerns but then we're back to square one: I only see her ONCE a month and to me all my worries just can't fit into one appointment. I'm not exactly the only patient in her clinic.

So yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared for myself and for my child. I'm scared it would hurt too much that I can't handle the pain.. And just like House, I'm not exactly big on pain. I'm scared of not being a good mom while my baby's still inside, innocent and angelic. I'm unsure about a lot of things and I have this fear of posing a threat to my baby's health and development. Sure, I take my vitamins, I eat the right stuff, I drink a lot, I walk around, I bathe everyday and all that hygienic blah, I pray novenas and attend Holy Mass, but still, I worry.

I'm having my next prenatal checkup next Tuesday, September 22, just a few days before my husband's birthday. We're still very excited to find out the baby's sex, but this time, I mean VERY. Love said it would be such an awesome birthday gift, and I agree with him, and swore to myself that I'm not leaving the clinic until we find out. I'm 20 weeks pregnant by then; just the right time to start finding out baby's package.

I just want to be a good mom. I just want a happy, brilliant, bouncy, healthy baby.

My Nocturnal Baby

"Still up. Can't sleep. Baby Lanting is on hyper mode 2nyt! Mama can't get some rest.."

That was my last tweet before I tossed and turned in bed and bawled like a baby from the nagging backache I had last night, not to mention my wonderchild doing a breakdance in utero. I felt so exhausted and I just wanted to get some rest but the baby and the pregnancy itself just wouldn't let me doze off at 2:30 in the morning. I was going gaga for hours. I felt so uncomfortable, like there's not a single position that would let me relax.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I asked my husband for some help... Cried for help, rather. At first he was unsure how to handle it, but his hands worked like a charm anyway. He kept me from going totally crazy with his soothing back massage while he locked me in his loving embrace.

Hubbies, take good care of your preggy wives. They need you now more than ever!

Oven Toastin'

I had a really bad night last night and what better way to get rid of the blues than by toastin' in the oven? Here's a yummy snack recipe I'll be sharing with you. It's very simple to prepare too. All you need are these:

- oven toaster

- bread (I prefer bread loaves)

- margarine or butter (I use margarine)

- sugar (White sugar does the trick for me)

Just spread the margarine on the bread evenly and then on top of that spread the sugar. Toast it in the oven for about 5-10 minutes or depending how taosty and melty you want it to be. And voila! Instant yummy snacks.

Enjoy!

Nurse in the Farm

As you all know I've stopped working as a nurse while I'm pregnant with my superwonderbaby. That means sometimes days pass without anything to do but stay home.

Then Facebook comes and saves the day!

Farm Ville, Farm Town, Barn Buddy--I play all three farming applications! I never thought it would be fun to tend virtual vegetation and livestock. And what's especially nice about it is being surprised to find out who sends you gifts and discovering your friends' farm design skills. Hearing friends' frustrations in real life whenever they fail to harvest is just as precious too. Laughs.

I'm still trying to talk my mom into playing a farming application but as of now she's still hesitant and tells me she has no idea how. But I get she's quite intrigued about it and only needs a little push to start. She's quite amazed at the hype of these games--she told me even the bank tellers at BDO were talking about Farm Ville on duty.

Speaking of Farm Ville, I think I like it best. It's quite easy to learn the ropes; not as complicated as the others. And I have to admit, I enjoy the background music. My husband and I even sing to it. He composed the lyrics. Laughs again. :))

A Retreat

Since I got engaged and married I haven't been able to attend the Holy Mass on Sundays. It's always been a family tradition and not attending should have a major valid reason. But even though I've had some major life changes, now I'm trying my best to make room and go back to my religious roots and keep my values alive. I've been raised by two wonderful and religious parents who taught me good morals and almost everything about God, even the stuff they don't teach you in school. Ironically, I'm not an overly religious person. I believe there is a God, but I don't condemn others for not believing in Him. We all have our reasons for the kind of faith that we have.

This might seem like an unusual topic for me to discuss but this entry is on quite a religious note because this afternoon I started my novena for Our Lady of Perpetual Help. When I was in grade school, my sister and I tagged along with our Mom to attend this novena on Wednesdays at 4:30pm. My mom was carrying my now 10 year old sister in her womb back then. Well now that I'm pregnant I decided to follow my mom's footsteps and attend this novena. That was ten years ago when I first attended and it actually surprises that I still remember how the songs and how everything goes.

I attended the whole thing alone. I sent my husband off to a DVD hunt because I knew he would only get bored in there. He's a very wonderful guy, a very good man, but he's not a very religious person so I cut him some slack and let him kill time in DVD world.

My faith was obviously tested while I was there. This old lady who was dressed like a man drove me crazy with her mannerisms and I also felt shooting pains in my abdomen. It felt like there was a fireworks display in my tummy. Then I thought, maybe it was the baby. Maybe he/she knows that what I'm doing is for him/her and the only way to say thanks was by kicking me from the inside like crazy.

After it was over I had some quiet time to myself while I was waiting for Jai to come back and pick me up. I just sat in the pew and reflected. I felt peace and assurance that everything will be ok. I felt calm knowing that someone out there is listening and that prayers will be answered, one way or another. It just had this overwhelming feeling of being very blessed. And for that, I'm very thankful.

8 more Wednesdays to go. :)

The Baby Loves Lolo

The baby is keeping me wide awake. It's 12:15 on my laptop and I just realized... Maybe the baby wants me to write something about his/her late great grandfather. And when I say great, I mean GREAT.

Today is officially August 29, 2009 and it marks the 1st year death anniversary of my beloved grandfather, Benito Munoz. He died of complications of stroke last year. He was in a comatose, paralized, and just gave up on life one day. We all figured maybe it was really his time to go. It was depressing to lose him, but in another light, we didn't want him in any pain anymore. It hurt a lot (and it still does) but we had to accept that he finally let go. And so on August 29, 2008 he went with the angels to take him to heaven.

I was never really close with him but I'm proud to say that I was the only one whom he entrusted some of his last thoughts about his life. One day I visited him to take a reading of his blood pressure and what seemed to be an ordinary checkup turned out to be a heart to heart talk. He cried in front of me and we shared a very serious conversation. I comforted him and just tried to keep myself together and be strong for him when deep inside, it crushed my heart to see him cry. I will never forget that day, and I will never forget what he said to me.

I miss him. I miss everything about him. I still think about him all the time. Even the old man in the movie "Up" reminds me a lot of him. He always wanted to be alone. I just wish we had more time to make him feel that he wasn't.

I pray that he's in heaven now. He deserves to be at peace. My Lolo Benito will always be remembered as a good man, a good friend, a good brother, a good husband, a good father, and a very great grandfather. I just wish the baby could have met him before he left this world so he/she can experience what a loving grandfather he was.

Lolo's 72nd birthday.

He died at 76.

Rest in peace, Lolo. We miss you so much.

Mahal na mahal ka po namin and you will always be remembered.

Quickening

The past couple of days have been wonderful. I can now feel my baby move!

It's overwhelming whenever I feel a flutter in my tummy. It as if I'm being consistently reminded that I'm a sacred vessel to another human being who is just beginning to take form and experience life. I'm excited for the next weeks to come; I'm sure to feel him/her kick me harder from the inside.

Sometimes the baby wakes me up in the middle of the night and it can be very uncomfortable. But the funny thing is... it makes me smile every time. :)

Hot Heat

Is it just me? Or is it scorching hot in here?!

I know heat is supposed to be hot but goddamn--the weather is on fire!!! My husband just installed another electric fan in the room so now we have two. We don't have to share only one anymore. There's always the option of installing an airconditioner but we just can't put that into high priority for now. Settling for fans is good enough, as long as they stay on for the entire day. LOL

The Pregnancy Diaries 3

This mommy has just started her second trimester! I'm starting to feel my tummy stretch. It's getting a lot rounder than in the past months and it's now easier to tell that I'm pregnant just by looking at me. I even bought a bottle of Palmer's® Cocoa Butter Formula™ Massage Lotion for Stretch Marks. I can't wear buttoned or zipped shorts or jeans anymore. Now my casual wardrobe consists of dresses, loose shirts, and leggings. I actually like it. Very comfy!

I'm still easily fatigued so I feel drowsy often but I'm ejoying the fact that the nausea and vomiting have subsided. Back in the first trimester it was hell for me. My body felt like it was on roller coaster mode everyday. Now I feel a lot better. The only things that have been bothering me lately are my back pains and headaches. They keep nagging me at nighttime.

My husband? He's a sweetheart. He treats me like a queen. And I especially enjoy it when he kisses and caresses my tummy and talks to our baby.

So what's next for the pregnant foxy mama? This coming Friday I'll be having my 3rd prenatal checkup. I'm going to see my baby for the third time and I'm really excited to see if it's a boy or girl. I keep telling my baby to show it... ;D

2nd Checkup

On July 21, 2009 I had my second prenatal checkup and I'm relieved to know that my baby's ok. It has evidently grown a lot bigger since the last time I saw it. But what's so amazing is that we heard its heartbeat for the very first time and we also got to see his hands and feet. Our baby truly is a wonderchild. We can't wait to meet him/her...

No Rest for the Bride to Be

Wow.

As in WOW.

I can't explain the series of fortunate and unfortunate events that had been going on since.. well, we got engaged! Well for one, I got myself a pretty serious migraine yesterday which lasted for more than 12 hours. I actually thought it will never go away. I was too scared to take any medication at first because now that I'm pregnant I'm really careful about what I take in and if it's possible, I wouldn't take any medication at all. So I tried other ways to try to alleviate the pain, like rubbing Katinko on my forehead (as advised by my mom-in-law). My loving husband-to-be-in-a-matter-of-two-weeks was kind enough to do it for me so all I had to do was just lie on the couch as he massaged my forehead lovingly.

Love stayed by my side the whole time I was feeling sick. I was in so much pain that I couldn't keep my eyes open for too long but everytime I opened them and I saw him staring at me with his beautiful eyes, it felt like I was being healed each time.

But it got to the point that I couldn't stand the pain anymore so I took Paracetamol which I learned, to my relief, is safe for unborn babies in all stages of pregnancy.

I don't know if it was lack of sleep or the unpredictable weather or all the errands that I'm running that caused the recent migraine attack. I've been so busy lately. The pieces of the wedding are all coming together at a slow but steady pace. We're halfway done with the preparations. This morning Jai and I attended our last scheduled seminar which lasted for half a day, this afternoon we picked up our bridesmaids' and secondary sponsors' gowns and distributed them to the girls, and tomorrow we're going to Manila to buy his "dream wedding shoes". He's very excited about it.

I was supposed to meet my doctor yesterday but unfortunately she already left the clinic before we even got there. I felt really disappointed because I thought I was gonna see my baby for the second time. The secretary said we could come back tomorrow which is Monday but because we need to be somewhere tomorrow we need to hold off the check-up for another day. SAD. I'm really concerned about the welfare of my baby because let me tell you the absolute truth: IT'S NOT EASY TO PREPARE FOR A WEDDING. The length of time that you prepare for the wedding doesn't matter. You can prepare a year ahead but I'm telling you, IT'S STILL DIFFICULT. It's a package deal of STRESS AND DISTRESS so it's really taking a toll on my body. Some brides may let other people make the wedding decisions for them but NOT ME, it's my wedding so it's just right that I get to say what I want and work for it. Anyway, I'll be coming back to see my doctor on Tuesday. I can't wait to get these pregnancy worries off my chest.

I was supposed to name this entry Pregnancy Diaries 3, but since I really don't have any new pregnancy news, what's the point?

Maybe in 2 or 3 days? :)

Three Updates

Two days of bed rest are over. I left home early this morning to run a few errands. Here's a few updates about me:

1. My sexy love Jai and I finally bought some sample materials for our personally made, hand crafted wedding invitations. Maybe tomorrow morning we'll start working on a few.

2. My youngest sister will be performing tomorrow at the SM City Batangas Event Center for the Search for the New Hannah Montana Rock Sensation. Today I bought her a complete set of fancy accessories to complete her Hannah Montana look--and for a really good bargain! Well that's because frankly, we don't really care that much about how she looks tomorrow. My youngest sister Zshalia has been declared champion in countless singing competitions in school so we're pretty positive about her impressing the judges tomorrow with her golden voice. I'm really proud of my little sister because she has the initiative to join such contest which involves a bigger audience and demands a higher performance level. I also admire how she's so confident whenever she's onstage. And since she registered for the contest she's been practicing her song and routine. Such dedication. And you know what, win or lose, she's still #1 to us. Zshalia, my friends, is just ten years old.

3. And now the sad part... My only living grandfather, lolo Victor, who just celebrated 50 years of marriage with my lola Rosa is in the ICU again. The other day my lola Rosa was just discharged from the hospital and just a day after that, unfortunately it was my lolo's turn to be confined. Jai and I visited him today and seeing him like that broke my heart. I just kept the tears from falling. He's been admitted to the same ICU many times before and now my lolo has tubes sticking out of his nose and mouth and he's hooked to different machines again. He looks so tired and he's having a hard time dealing with his endotracheal tube. He's still sedated but I'm glad he could respond to me when I talk to him by nodding or opening his eyes weakly. At one point he even pointed at his endotracheal tube, maybe asking me what it was for or when they would take it out, but I just said that they can't take it out yet because his breathing needs to stabilize first. Jai could only stand behind me and hold me and watch me stroke my grandfather's hand and back. It was really sad to see him like that, and knowing he's still in that condition makes my heart sink every time I remember. Right now I'm asking you to pray for my grandfather, Lolo Victor, because he needs to get well. He's suffering... and as his eldest grandchild I'm asking you to pray with me, that my lolo will be given the strength of body, mind, and spirit to surpass what he is going through.

Cake

An exchange of text messages:

ME: Len, pwede sakin na lang ung natitirang dulce de leche cake?

LEN: Ok. Para yun sa baby, hindi para sayo. Hahaha

ME: Yay lols

THANKS KAPATID! It's one of my most favorite cakes in the world!

The Pregnant Diaries 2

I can't take my mind off the fact that I'm a mother in the making. Every waking moment I say to myself, I'm a mom. I'm really a mom! Hindi kami baog! Hahaha. Every day as a pregnant woman is just so exciting!

I'm so overwhelmed with the support that I'm getting from my family and friends. Everytime they see me they're like, "Kumusta na ang buntis?" "Pahawak naman sa baby!" "Ilang months na baby mo?" "Kumain ka na?" "Kuha ka ng food, masama sa buntis ang gutom!" "Wag ka na mahiya, share tayo dito o!" "Upo ka, masama sayo matagal nakatayo at mapagod ng sobra." Which are all in my favor because being pregnant makes moms easily fatigued and super hungry all the time. Well I'm getting suspicious about my growing baby bump though because now that I'm 8 weeks along I don't know if I'm just bloated from all the food or it's really the baby that's starting to emerge. I've learned that women start to show at different times because the body frame, gravidity (the number of times a woman has been pregnant), and basically genetics play a huge part in the timing. Well whatever it is that's making my tummy swell this early--it has made me wear maternity clothes as early as last week!

Speaking of my baby bump, let me share with you an incident that happened at our pre-nup pictorial:

Photographer: "Uh, Jeean, stomach in ka konti."

Jai: "Pano magsstomach in eh magttwo months nang buntis?"

Hahahaha.

My grandmother got hospitalized a few days ago in the same hospital where I used to work as a nurse trainee. Wow, the looks on people's faces! It's just so funny to see my co-nurses see me like this. They had no idea I was already pregnant since May of this year and now that I've started to wear maternity clothes they're like, "How's the mom-to-be?!" And it's so touching whenever I feel even the slightest sincere notion that people are really happy for me.

I never thought being pregnant would be such a wonderful, unforgettable roller coaster ride. I'm so excited to grow a bigger bump and find out if it's a boy or a girl. 2 or 3 months from now we can finally know!

Cold & Twisted

I'm home alone... well not really, it's me and the baby. :) Actually I'm waiting for Jai to pick me up because I'm staying the night at his house. And then I figured... this is a great opportunity for a McDonald's drive thru!

I've been spotting posters of the Ice Age McFloat and the Twister Fries combo at McDonald's outlets and they have never really caught my attention until today. I don't know why but they just popped into my head and now I'm craving for that ice cold blue treat and that twisted potato delight!

The Pregnant Diaries 1

My beloved fiance/babydaddy and I had our pre nuptial pictorial today. I spent the previous night at his house so we can get going as early as we can. I brought tons of clothes with me but I only got to wear 3 ensembles because the pictorial was harder to do than I thought. The sun was scorching hot and for someone pregnant every stimulus is twice the impact. But the pictorial went great and we made lots of great pictures so we're really excited to share them with you.

My mom was right, I'm having a harder time being pregnant than when she was pregnant with me and my 2 sisters. I'm always nauseated and I can't tell exactly if I'm hungry or full or just thirsty. My food cravings are driving me crazy because one minute I want santol or mangoes and then the next thing I know they make me throw up. I'm easily fatigued so whenever an idle moment comes and I feel sleepy, I always want to grab the opportunity to doze off.

My first trimester so stressful but whenever I think about the baby that's growing inside me I just think to myself that it's only the first trimester and it will pass. What's important is that I stay healthy and my child stays healthy.

This week has been loaded with wedding preparations. Tomorrow Jai and I still have errands to run. I don't know when I'll be able to just lie in bed all day and take a break from all the stress but I'm really looking forward to it.

Being pregnant and preparing for a wedding isn't as easy as you may think, so I have to say thanks to the people who are supporting me and Jai all the way even though "thanks" just doesn't do it. Jai's family have been nothing but kind, caring, and very supportive to us. Their arms are wide open and I'm lucky to have in-laws who treat me like true family. And how can I forget the most important people in my life who have influenced me to become what I am now.. I am most grateful to my parents. My dad is still so understanding and supportive, and my mom is always there for me whenever I need her and even at times when it seems that I don't. At this point in my life I am enlightened about what goes on behind parents' tough exteriors. I feel so blessed that soon I'll be Jai's wife, right now I'm carrying Jai's baby, and still my mom takes care of me like that baby she carried in her womb 21 years ago.

To Jai, my loving fiance, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my private macho dancer, the father of my baby.. I love you. I love you. I love you. I just love you so much.. and thank you for being so good to me and our growing wonderchild.

A Sigh of Relief

I've quit my job.

My baby's health is more important than my career.

I don't know when I'll be coming back to work in a hospital but for now I'm gonna take good care of my growing bundle of joy.

I'M GETTING MARRIED

I can't type here any blog entry that exactly defines how I feel right now. In four weeks I will be a wife and in 8 months I will be a mother. The joy that I feel is indescribable!