Friday, March 6, 2009

tainted, could be

What is wrong with me?! You know when you try to find out stuff about your guy and then you end up hating yourself for looking through his stuff because you read things that you wouldn't mind not knowing in the first place? Well as they all say "curiosity killed the cat," and I'm sure it won't come as a surprise to you that I'm the cat.

I have to set the record straight: ok I admit, so sometimes I'm being irrationally jealous. But that's only because I couldn't picture him with someone else (I can't even imagine him being a boyfriend to the capital X) and to tell you honestly, I still get jealous over issues that were long overdue. And what's worse is that the very few talk hours on the phone don't help at all. I'm still as jealous as I've ever been and I'm not happy about it although I'm sure he is too. In some aspects I'm being unfair (don't ask) but these jealous feelings are real and I'm afraid they might be leading me to the wrong direction and ruin our relationship.

My bitch fits are major. All of them. A little argument can go a very long way especially if I'm provoked. When I'm frustrated with something or when angry with someone, my temper is often at boiling point and I don't even know it, but I know that I have to control it before it's too late. Before he calls off the relationship. 

I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend that I sometimes am. I trust him, but I can't seem to calm myself down whenever the SelfishSuperGirlfriend alter ego kicks in. I'm sorry for being like this. I may be the jealous type, but it's only because I love you too much and I'm trying to be the only best girlfriend in the world for you.

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