Sunday, March 8, 2009

Something else

In accordance to the recently unpleasant circumstances that I'm still struggling against to keep myself from giving in to defeat, I realized that I needed to do something other than to ruminate about my love life. I thought the timing's just perfect for learning new piano pieces. Yesterday I was at my grandparents' house and they have this piano there. So I thought, maybe I could watch some tutorials because I have nothing better to do and this person doesn't want to talk to me. So I turned my laptop on, opened Youtube, watched a few tutorials while I wrote down the notes on paper and in forty minutes I was able to play IF I WERE A BOY. I want to be preoccupied in music again not only because somebody doesn't have time for me and doesn't care about what's happening to me, but also because I missed immersing myself in playing my favorite instrument. It makes me forget I'm hurt, and gives the pleasant result of me being nice. Diverting the attention that I used to give other people gives me a fraction of the peace of mind that I need now more than ever. It's just like nothing's wrong, I'm just fine and he can just be chipper. I know I'm lying to myself, but it's better than driving myself crazy over an issue which I know he doesn't think is a problem.

I've also started writing stories again. Last night I came up with something but it's far from finished. It has no blueprints, no certain sequence of events to follow whatsoever, and I don't even know what the whole point is. I have no idea what it's all about. I just type in there whatever pops into mind. I have only one note to self for this story: make it sad and tragic. Just like real life.

I think it's only fair that I cut myself some slack this time and pay attention to my demoralized ego. Yeah, I know, as if everbody else's is not. Can't we just kill each other off?

Kidding. The best way to heal is to get back on the horse.

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