Subtly Lighter

I never imagined I would actually get my hair dyed. But I did. And I've been wanting to do it for weeks.

It's a lighter shade of brown now and it's not what I expected. I wanted a much lighter shade, but this has to do for the meantime.

See? Not much a of a difference, right? And the lighting certainly didn't help either. Anyway, it's more obvious under the sun.

But they say changing something about your hair actually means you want something to change about your life, and you're just externalizing that out. I think that's true.

I had a hard time sleeping last night because I was frustrated. I tried searching the interwebs for a place we could call our own but to no avail. My husband and I have decided that we want to move out soon and live more independently, but we're still at the planning stage. We're in a very complicated situation.

Budget is also tight nowadays, and if we're fortunate enough to find a place, we're gonna have to fire Iaine's nanny to save more money. (Sorry.)

Reality bites, but I swear we're gonna bite harder. BRING IT ON!

Jeean Lanting - freelance creative designer

- Services available only in the Philippines -

My One and Only

It appears that as of today, Iaine is 1 year 1 month 1 week and 1 day old. And I'm writing about it just because. I mean how often does that happen?

Edit: I had to go back and edit this post. It was supposed to have ended with that question mark above but then I realized I haven't blogged about Iaine's newly perfected skill:

WALKING.

You read that right, yes, she can WALK! She can walk for long distances now without holding onto something. This has been going on for about a week and only for the past two days did I see her do it like a pro. Like she's been doing it for months!

I know the development of babies vary so I never felt disappointed that Iaine learned walking a bit later than others. I hear about babies starting to walk at the ages of 8 months, 9 months, even 1 and a half and to me it doesn't matter. I knew Iaine would be ready at her own pace so I didn't need any measures to force her. I did train her, yes, but exhaust her til she passes out, no.

I'm so proud of her right now. So very proud.

Our Decision, Not Just Mine

I'm a SAHM turned WM turned SAHM back again and some people have been bugging me for months to return to work. I'm a registered nurse. I went to a university to finish BS Nursing which is a four year course, then after I graduated I signed up for a review program that lasted almost a year. After that, I took a painfully hard 2-day licensure examination and then earned my license after that first take. Took a lot of hard work and to not do anything about my degree would be a a shame and waste of potential. But honestly, under the present circumstances I'm good right where I am... It's safe to say--for now.

Today I saw Iaine take the most number of steps so far. There are no words to describe how I felt. Or maybe it's how Katie (Horton Hears a Who) put it: In my world,everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows--and poop butterflies!

This morning, we woke up at almost the same time, rolled around in bed for a good 30 minutes just feeling comfortable in a sea of fluffy pillows and soft sheets. Staring at each other. She, touching my face. Me, giving her loving cuddles and kisses. She, smiling and making the most adorable facial expressions. Us, playing hide and seek under my blanket. Then I thought to myself, how can I miss this for the world?

Jai's case is different. He's the father, the husband and he's a very good at it. He's very hardworking and I completely and absolutely understand why he has to work 5 days a week and not be with us. We have agreed about that in the first place and I don't have a problem with it. Sure, sometimes I miss him, sometimes wish I could work too and contribute to making ends meet but it doesn't mean I don't like being a housewife and taking care of our child.

I had a job offer laid out in front of me and all I had to do was just show up on the first day. The benefits sounded satisfactory with a bit of consequence, but in the long run it would have been a good call. I had a hard time thinking about it but I turned it down. Some people thought I was crazy, saying it was a great opportunity and because I can leave Iaine at home while I work. Iaine has a nanny and she's a great help but she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed (Juno reference) so I'm not comfortable with the idea of leaving Iaine with her for 8-9 hours a day/5 days a week. And being the mother, I can't exactly leave her the responsibility of helping Iaine out with her milestones. I should be the one seeing and participating in Iaine's everyday accomplishments. It's only fair that there should at least be one us (me and Jai) who represents the other and make Iaine's childhood as wonderful as possible.

So here's my argument: Maybe I could live til I'm a hundered years old? Can anybody seriously tell me I'm literally running out of time? How much time, then? In my point of view I have plenty of time to work on my career and be the most efficient nurse in history. Iaine's childhood doesn't last a hundred years. Every second, her brain is trying put the pieces together, trying to understand, trying to make her do things. She's at the stage of exploration and as my husband put it, the world is her playground. We plan to let her roam freely with us behind her back. I choose to be the mother who puts my child first before anything else. I want to be the mother who has a close relationship with my daughter. We want to be the parents who she runs to when she skins her knee for the first time, takes a first spoonful on her own, and maybe meet her first best friend. I wanna see her run to her Poppa when he gets home from working so hard. And I don't see anything wrong with all this.

I have nothing against working moms. Believe me I've been there. But right now I choose to stay home. When I think Iaine gets old enough to not need me 24 hours a day, then you can talk me into wearing scrubs again.

So Beautiful

[photos from my SIL's iPod touch]

Just Because

Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. Marriage customs have developed over history and keep changing as human society develops.

Our wedding day. August 1, 2009.

Blogs Into Books

Right now I'm back home. Iaine and I are spending a few days here at my parent's house where I grew up and I'm sitting here in my old bed with my back against the headboard, my head rested on 3 big pillows and my fingers typing away on the soft keys of my sister's netbook. It feels great to be here... maybe that's why I had the urge to write another post.

I follow a lot of blogs and one of them had a recent post about her blog being turned into memoirs. Books. And I thought, OMG that's such an awesome idea.

I mean have you ever thought about the possibility of your blog just... disappearing? Like what if the Blogger peoples randomly decided to cut you out of their system to allow more cyberspace or whatever? Or what if they had some technical issues and deleted your blog? That happened to my husband, btw. He contacted the Blogger admins and made sure he would get his blog back. I think it took some time for them to retrieve it but whatever, it wasn't a pleasant experience I'm sure.

So anyway, this blog-into-books thing is genius. A lot of bloggers already have this idea but I'm referring to a specific kind of publishing. In the US, I hear there are stores that offer this kind of service and I wish we have something like that here in PH. It's such a great idea especially for mommy bloggers because it's a way to immortalize memories -- the good and the bad.

I wonder if blogs would go obsolete by the time Iaine reaches adulthood. But what if, right? Wouldn't it be nice to have something tangible that keeps written memories of yesteryears?

As I am sitting here typing the last paragraph of this entry and simultaneously watching my beautiful Iaine from a distance, full of innocence and charm, basking in the glory of the morning sun with birds' chirps in the background, I am once again reminded that when she gets older she wouldn't remember any of this. So... I am seriously thinking about getting a book done. No pressure, just an option, but I am thinking about it.

ps.

Iaine brushed my hair for the first time. I am in the clouds!

My Husband, The Great!

Jai texted me today and told me to open my e-mail. He forwarded me an announcement from his bosses that said... HE JUST GOT PROMOTED! I am so proud of him!!!! Congratulations, Love! That is truly a well-deserved reward for all the hard work you're doing for our family.

WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!