I have to forgive myself not only for me, but for the soul of the person who I still love so dearly. I don't know if he's already up there with our Creator, or if his soul is still restless because of this guilt I've always carried in my heavy heart. He was my grandfather, Lolo Benito, and I took him for granted when he was still well, before I saw him lying motionless in his hospital bed at home, paralyzed, helpless. The only movements I saw last were the tears rolling down his cheeks.
I can't explain how bad I still feel about not being there for him more. I have huge regrets of not doing enough for him when he was still alive, but everyday I still think about how I could have made life so much better for my lonely grandfather. I am in tears right now while I'm typing all this, because losing him to that stroke was so hard, and it still is.
This was his 72nd birthday. He died at 76.
It's been two years without him.. but I still love him so very much.