The Waiting Game

Hello my love. How are you? I haven't been feeling you move as much, are you okay? Are you getting too big in there? Apartment getting too small to hang out in? If you are, you won't have to worry about that after you are born. The world will be your playground.

I hope today we'll get some good news. Momma is nervous, but Momma, Poppa, and Ate Iaine are all excited (not to mention growing impatient) to know when we will be able to finally meet you. Everything is all ready for you, Momma just needs to be more prepared for the physical pain waiting for me, but I am willing to go through all that again just to have you here healthy and happy.

So... Here we are still, waiting for your birth day. I don't know yet when you'll be truly ready for the world, but my love, I will try my best to give you the world.

So Near Yet So Far

Well I just got back from the doctor today and sadly, the finish line might still be a long way away...

He's not convinced I could deliver this baby by Sunday for an important reason: baby and placenta are not mature enough as of this writing. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not in a hurry at all and I want him to bake for as long as possible in here to up his chances of survival but I would be lying if I say I wasn't at least a little disappointed. I need to go back on Monday for another sonogram so he could check if the baby and the placenta are ready for the outside world next week.

Another thing that bothers me is that the anesthesiologist that I want would be attending a convention from Wednesday to Sunday, and I'm afraid I might go into labor within that period if I don't have the c-section by Tuesday. Yes we have decided, I'll be having a repeat CS. I thought about it (even keeps me up at night) and realized that I don't want to risk going VBAC but end up with a c-section at the end of the day if I don't progress 1 cm per hour during active labor. Induction is also a big NO because of having a previous c-section.

Despite this news and the nuisance in the form of another pregnant lady next to me in the waiting area who was loudly and constantly whining about how long the doctor takes per patient and that she'll miss some appointment and how unaccommodating the doctor's secretaries were (she was complaining about everything while the secretaries were there, I was close to shoving my first in her mouth to shut her the hell up) there were a lot of things that I liked about today:

• I got to see my son again! These past few weeks his face hardly changes though (almost the same snapshot printout week after week LOL). I'm so excited to see what that face actually looks like!
• My doctor really took his time doing the sonogram because he wanted to make sure everything was measuring correctly.
• He reassured me that the baby does not have Down Syndrome. I've never been high risk on this or anything, but I just had to ask how they were able to detect an anomaly like that on a sonogram. And because he is type of doctor who takes time with his patients to address any concerns, he even taught me the things the DS babies manifest on a sonogram: (a) eyes and ears are not at same level aka lopsided (b) flat or no nasal bone (c) increased nuchal/nape thickness (d) hand/arm doesn't move much and is always clenched near the chest
• He also taught me (a) how he could tell if the placenta was mature: there should be a thick white lining visible around the placenta (b) and how he could tell if the placenta was attached correctly for a woman who already had a previous c-section: there should be a visible separation and should not be stuck together.
• I got a good long glimpse of my son's beating heart. I saw the tiny chambers steadily pumping. Oh the heart that will be filled with so much love.
• I also got to watch him practice "breathing." My doc showed me how the baby inhales and exhales, and it was so amazing to see.
• Last week I weighed 143 lbs and today I weighed 140! This is good news because I lost weight but the baby grew in size. Last Tuesday his estimated fetal weight was 6++ but today he is already at 7.3lbs which is big for Filipino baby standards. When his big sister was born she weighed 7.4 lbs so I don't know how much more he'll weigh by Monday!

What I also liked about today: I got to see my mom and I went to the mall! I almost thought I was starting to turn into a hermit. Instead of waiting in vain for my turn at the clinic, I took the opportunity to hitch a ride with my mom to pay my mobile service bill and buy some last minute items for the baby. It felt like being introduced back to society and it felt like a win! A small triumph but still a win, because I had to walk lots but didn't go into spontaneous labor.

However all this activity is starting to take its toll and right now I'm really exhausted and this close to passing out on the keyboard. Gotta lie down and take it easy for a while.

I'm hoping to see the end of the tunnel on Monday, but I still pray that everything would go as planned in God's time.

Things to Do

I got more things to do than I thought!

We already rearranged our bedroom furniture and moved a lot of stuff out to make more room for the baby's things, but I just realized I still have plenty I need to finish before the big day.

• buy lampin and pre-wash them (usually soft absorbent white cloth used as cloth diapers) but the purpose of those would be the baby's pillow in the first few weeks to prevent flat-head)
• pack the baby's bag (sorry little guy!)
• pack my husband's things (I kept asking him to do this but he insists this would be an easy last-minute thing)
• finish packing my own bag (I realized I don't even have binders, slippers, and even toiletries in there yet!)
• set up the crib
• pick up my sister's breast pump (she stopped breastfeeding and it's great that I don't need to buy a brand new one for myself)
• pick up my nephew's day-time bassinet and have it ready in the living room (used only for a few months and he stopped using it just a couple of months ago)
• sterilize baby bottles and bring some to the hospital (just in case I won't be able to do direct latching and rooming in-- breastfeeding policies and rooming-in policies in Philippine hospitals vary )
• pack blankets, pillows, and pillow cases
• aaaaand literally have some on-hand cash!

Something tells me this list isn't even complete!

My Surprise Baby Shower

My surprise baby shower happened last night!

Family and friends made it a huge success. I'm so happy and thankful and I wish I could repay them all with more than words of gratitude!

My sister was the mastermind of it all but a lot of people helped her make the event possible including my wonderful husband. There's just so many of them I just couldn't mention each one! People brought cakes, ice cream, sweets, and pitched in on the food. There were tonnnns of food! I am still overwhelmed by their love.

I've been telling my sister I wasn't planning on a baby shower because my budget is really tight right now as I get closer to having another child that I will need to provide for. But being the wonderful and generous person that she is, she couldn't take that for an answer and set one up a party for me. She made the streamers and other props herself, and even took those to her workplace to finish them. I truly, sincerely appreciate the effort!

To be honest I was awake all night last night (thank you pregnancy insomnia) and slept almost all day until afternoon except when I had to eat breakfast and take 1 bathroom break. As usual I was in pain so I made the most out of my day in resting, even though I feel guilty for not being able to visit my grandparents again this weekend. But because the exhaustion was unbearable I followed my doctor's and my husband's orders to rest. When I find a comfortable position to sleep which is a rarity nowadays, hell yes I will take the opportunity to doze off.

In hindsight, now I get it why my husband kept telling me to fall back asleep LOL. At 3pm I woke up feeling sweaty and uncomfortable so I told him I'm gonna take a bath. He literally almost threw the towel at me which was weird. Next weird things he did: he refused to let me throw away the used cotton bud myself because I would need to leave the bedroom, and he told me to dress in something for 'going out.' Okaaaaay. When I was almost ready to go I asked him if I should just eat in the bedroom (he said my mother-in-law had guests downstairs) so he said he'd check if there was space for us at the dining table. I turned off the TV, unplugged the wall fan. He came back and asked why I did, I told him wellll I want to eat. He then said for us to wait a while because people still occupied the dining table to I turned the TV and fan back on. At that point it was getting a little silly, and I was confused if something was happening or not. A few minutes later, his phone beeped, and we headed downstairs to eat. Finally.

He went downstairs before I did and when I arrived at the landing part of the stairs I was greeting with a joyous "SURPRISE!" by family. Some friends from Manila who I know from work also came over and I'm so touched that they traveled hours just to see me!

We had a laugh about how I had zero makeup on so I went back upstairs to get made up. I was also wearing a blue/green shirt so my daughter said, "Mama, you're only supposed to wear red, black or white." Alrighty then, so I put on a white shirt instead. But that still kind of frustrated her and asked why I wasn't wearing red. LOL kids.

There were no games but the kids got to take a dip in our inflatable pool and I still received presents from these wonderful people even though I wasn't expecting anything. Their presence was enough to be honest, so those gifts were a just a super bonus!

It was a simple gathering of friends and family at home but I truly enjoyed the party, and I'm excited for all of these people to meet our son who is the reason for all of this. One thing's for sure-- he will be showered with lots of love!

Post-Pregnancy Whims

Who's gonna give birth this month?

Meeeeeee!!!

It's April 3rd and I'm getting closer and closer to my due date. I keep imagining what our baby might look like, how big he'll be at the time of delivery, what quirks he'll have that we'll go crazy about, and other things... But what I'm also looking forward to the most is getting to consume all the food and drinks that my doctors have kept me away from these past 9 months! I terribly miss sushi, ice cold soda/softdrinks, hot or iced coffee, a generous amount of hot chocolate, and my most favorite: ICED TEA! I've been a little naughty though by taking small sips out of my husband's drinks at times but just enough so I would satisfy my craving. The craving is insaaaane. So, I made my husband promise that once my bowels are ready to take that all in again after delivery, GIVE ME THAT SHIT, by the bucket. Lol.

Cheers to other April bumpers like me! I wish us all a successful delivery.

He'll Come Out When He's Ready...Really?

Don't. Just don't.

It's a common phrase that pregnant women hear from other people, "He'll come out when he's ready." But personally I find this unsupported and insensitive. Hear me out.

I think this is an insult to every mom who experienced delivering premature babies, especially those who lost their babies because of premature delivery. I highly doubt it's any baby's intention to escape from its mother's womb at a time when they can't even breathe outside it. The popularly used line is also an insult to moms who have to endure the time to wait until their baby is well enough to be discharged from the NICU, because the baby needs antibiotics to cure the infection from pooping in the womb because they were way mature but overdue.

He'll come out when he's ready. Pshh, no, it doesn't make any sense.

Every woman is unique, every pregnancy is different, and unless you're delivering via scheduled c-section, you don't know when you're baby is going to make its appearance in the world. My two cents: if you hear a pregnant woman complain about how long they're been waiting to give birth, or say I'm just so doooone, or say they want the baby out now, just be emphathetic. Not assuming, not stupid.

The Calm Before the Most Awaited Storm

It's a quiet night.

Iaine is usually noisy and super makulit, so as I took some photos of her tonight I realized how much little time left there is that she'll be the only child causing a riot in the house. For the past 3 weeks I've been working from home and she's been my all around companion, and I realize how blessed I am to still be able to establish a strong bond with her even though I've been working away for the past 3 years. These past 3 weeks are also special to me because pretty soon I won't be bonding with only her.. her brother will finally be with us to share the cuddles, laughter, adventures, and love.

She is so excited to be an Ate that she asks us constantly how many days are left til he is born. As for me, I'm excited to fill both my children's hearts with all the love I can give as their mother.

I love you, my babies.

Homestretch for Baby #2

***A little TMI :D

No I haven't given birth just yet! My doc and I want to keep the bun in the oven still baking for a couple more weeks...

(long post, click on Read more for the whole thing!)