So Near Yet So Far

Well I just got back from the doctor today and sadly, the finish line might still be a long way away...

He's not convinced I could deliver this baby by Sunday for an important reason: baby and placenta are not mature enough as of this writing. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not in a hurry at all and I want him to bake for as long as possible in here to up his chances of survival but I would be lying if I say I wasn't at least a little disappointed. I need to go back on Monday for another sonogram so he could check if the baby and the placenta are ready for the outside world next week.

Another thing that bothers me is that the anesthesiologist that I want would be attending a convention from Wednesday to Sunday, and I'm afraid I might go into labor within that period if I don't have the c-section by Tuesday. Yes we have decided, I'll be having a repeat CS. I thought about it (even keeps me up at night) and realized that I don't want to risk going VBAC but end up with a c-section at the end of the day if I don't progress 1 cm per hour during active labor. Induction is also a big NO because of having a previous c-section.

Despite this news and the nuisance in the form of another pregnant lady next to me in the waiting area who was loudly and constantly whining about how long the doctor takes per patient and that she'll miss some appointment and how unaccommodating the doctor's secretaries were (she was complaining about everything while the secretaries were there, I was close to shoving my first in her mouth to shut her the hell up) there were a lot of things that I liked about today:

• I got to see my son again! These past few weeks his face hardly changes though (almost the same snapshot printout week after week LOL). I'm so excited to see what that face actually looks like!
• My doctor really took his time doing the sonogram because he wanted to make sure everything was measuring correctly.
• He reassured me that the baby does not have Down Syndrome. I've never been high risk on this or anything, but I just had to ask how they were able to detect an anomaly like that on a sonogram. And because he is type of doctor who takes time with his patients to address any concerns, he even taught me the things the DS babies manifest on a sonogram: (a) eyes and ears are not at same level aka lopsided (b) flat or no nasal bone (c) increased nuchal/nape thickness (d) hand/arm doesn't move much and is always clenched near the chest
• He also taught me (a) how he could tell if the placenta was mature: there should be a thick white lining visible around the placenta (b) and how he could tell if the placenta was attached correctly for a woman who already had a previous c-section: there should be a visible separation and should not be stuck together.
• I got a good long glimpse of my son's beating heart. I saw the tiny chambers steadily pumping. Oh the heart that will be filled with so much love.
• I also got to watch him practice "breathing." My doc showed me how the baby inhales and exhales, and it was so amazing to see.
• Last week I weighed 143 lbs and today I weighed 140! This is good news because I lost weight but the baby grew in size. Last Tuesday his estimated fetal weight was 6++ but today he is already at 7.3lbs which is big for Filipino baby standards. When his big sister was born she weighed 7.4 lbs so I don't know how much more he'll weigh by Monday!

What I also liked about today: I got to see my mom and I went to the mall! I almost thought I was starting to turn into a hermit. Instead of waiting in vain for my turn at the clinic, I took the opportunity to hitch a ride with my mom to pay my mobile service bill and buy some last minute items for the baby. It felt like being introduced back to society and it felt like a win! A small triumph but still a win, because I had to walk lots but didn't go into spontaneous labor.

However all this activity is starting to take its toll and right now I'm really exhausted and this close to passing out on the keyboard. Gotta lie down and take it easy for a while.

I'm hoping to see the end of the tunnel on Monday, but I still pray that everything would go as planned in God's time.