Jeean's Jeans

I miss fitting into my jeans. Believe it or not, it's been months since I last wore a pair of blue jeans. Actually I used to never really like wearing them because I'd prefer wearing something more breezy like shorts. But now that I have an ugly tummy pooch and my hips have grown a mile wider, I'd give up (insert something really important here) to shrink back into pre-pragnant shape.

Only today did I realize that I don't have a pair of blue jeans in my closet which means it has been the case ever since I got married and moved in with Jai. Stretchy pants and leggings, mini skirts and really short shorts that don't fit anymore, that's all there is. I left all my jeans at my parents' home.

I'm thinking of buying myself new pairs of jeans, but as a new mother every penny I would like to spend meets a mental checkpoint. Do I need this or do I only want this? Should I buy this for myself or should I just buy something for the baby? You know, guilt-inducing questions like that. Even window shopping makes me feel guilty.

But I hope the heavens cut me some slack. I gained 20 kilos in nine months and since I gave birth I've only been able to shed off 10. Ten measly kilos. I blame the pooch for this. My evil pooch and its ugly underbelly stretch marks. Of course the stretch marks count! The extra skin accounts to something, something very very evil. Like a few pounds or so. A few pounds that nothing can get rid of except surgery. Pffft like that's gonna happen.

I could try cutting down on my meals and go on a strict diet but I can't sacrifice the nutrition that Iaine will benefit from my milk. I'm still breastfeeding.. sort of. Anyway, they say breastfeeding speeds up weight loss. I'd like to breastfeed forever if that's the case (besides having many other advantages) but I think I'm starting to run dry. Iaine doesn't like to feed straight from me (believe me, I've tried forcing her lots of times already) so I pump the milk into bottles. The used to be 2 ounces of milk per collection has now decreased to 1 ounce and sometimes even less. I don't know if it's because I've stopped hogging up malunggay leaves or because I don't pump regularly. It feels like a failure in my part, but there's really no hope in the matter if my body doesn't want to make any more milk.

Going back to my fat ass, I could try exercising but I'm still recuperating from a major surgery so household chores will do for now. And besides, getting so little sleep from taking care of the baby will surely contribute to the weight loss.

So how much weight would I really like to lose? I'd just like my old body back, really. My pre-preggo poochless stretch mark-free body. It might be a seemingly impossible dream but I swear I can do it. It might take forever to acheive the body I used to have but at least I know I tried.