The Pregnancy Diaries 5

Thirty weeks pregnant and growing impatient. You've probably heard that time flies when you're having fun, right? Well maybe that's why it feels like I've been pregnant forever. The third trimester isn't so fun anymore.

But is it normal to feel this way? All sources say YES and I'm relieved to know that I'm not crazy. Staying home still leaves me exhausted at the end of the day and what's worse is that even bedtime won't give me a break. It's hard finding a comfortable sleeping position when your entire body is in pain. My daughter also likes to kick my bladder hard in the middle of the night which is just great because I'd have to get up to pee and try to fall back to sleep again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still as excited as ever but now the mixed emotions about the upcoming birth of my baby girl are stirring at a faster pace. I'm STILL dreading labor pains which I'm sure wouldn't even compare to the pains I'm having right now. Reading about it and talking about my fears with my support group just can't seem to help. There's always an option of getting a painless vaginal delivery with the help of an epidural anesthesia (I'm hoping for a normal spontaneous delivery) but even that poses risks for me and the baby. I might not know when to push because knowing when the contractions are happening may be difficult to tell. I won't be feeling any pain and according to a friend in some cases it all comes down to a cesarian section.. which is even worse than getting a destroyed stitched up vajayjay.

On a lighter note, last month we went shopping for some of the baby's first needs. My husband and I were very excited and we had fun choosing designs of all sorts of baby stuff. We decided on sticking to a single brand just so everything is theme coordinated. On the same day we also bought a bigger bed and a couple of new pillows to accommodate our soon to be expanding family.

Which reminds me.. this is gonna be the first Christmas that I won't be spending with my parents and sisters. It's my first Christmas as a married woman and an expectant mother at that. I'll be spending the Holidays with my husband and in-laws because (1) my mom and sisters will be flying to Vietnam to spend Christmas with my dad and (2) it's one of those things you do when you're already married. Having two families means sharing occasions fairly. I'll surely miss my family on Christmas, but I'm looking forward to spending New Year's eve with them. My dad's coming home with my mom and sisters after Christmas so on New Year's eve all of us are gonna be together and we're gonna be a complete family again. It's just too bad my dad will be leaving the country before my baby arrives though.

Going back to my pregnancy issues, most of the time my mind is elsewhere. Maybe I'm just too stressed out, I don't know. I've never had this much difficulty in grasping ideas and putting them into writing. The hormones are driving me out of my mind and shoving the worries down my throat. Right now I can't even make a decent exit. So now.. err.. here's my exit.